| vegas |
[10 Mar 2008|08:56pm] |
TUACA BODY ART BALL ITEMS NOW IN AUCTION!
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| Tone def Christians shouting “holy music” badly directly behind your ear |
[25 Dec 2007|06:35pm] |
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XMAS
"These are the cookies your grandmother warned you about"
its Christmas 2007. Holy shit this year was pretty much crazy. Very life changing for sure. I got off a very nasty worn path and I actually for once maybe feel like I am off to a good start. Lets see how far I can go. What has happened lately? The other day was my friend Ashley’s bday. 21st. We took her out. Dropped moneys at the bar...allot...they wanted to go to stray cats.... fucking gross wannabe bar. "This is a dive bar girl"?? Hahahah yeah right, fucking nobody scenester hangout more like it. That was short lived. After being there for about 30 mins, I wanted to chemically wash my body I felt so dirty. After about 5 drinks Ashley was on the bathroom floor of her house throwing up. ^_^ HEHEHE. Not anything like her last birthday...dear god...
What else?
Then we had Jeff moving out of hell house 2, he is in a much better place now as a temporary fix till him and I get our house, he is doing 200 times better than he was. The fighting has stopped between us which is amazing.... it was getting pretty stressful there for a minute. We were fighting all the time but after he moved out we had a long chat and pretty much realized that it was all because of the place he was staying at. So its amazing to have my Jeff back like the way he was, because no one loves like Jeff and I. Our 1 years anniversary is tomorrow! I am so excited for it. He already got all of his gifts early hahaha because he is a brat and cant wait! but thats ok..we are probably going to go up to flagstaff for a night to play up in snow bowl. its going to be so much fun, i am so sos o excited!! What else? xmas started off horrible but ended well with family. My parents spent way too much money as ussual...but I got some really awesome stuff that will help me out alot with my career. I got some sexy shoes and clothes..gift card to joanns. ^_- Now my main focus is saving up for this house...I am ready to get my life started with this boy. Ok...i have to mapquest info for flagstaff..good night and merry christmas.
xoxoxo
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| "you think you have stress"-you |
[15 Dec 2007|10:41am] |
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oh man...I worked a 20 hour day yesterday....I am pretty tired. I woke up feeling great till my feet hit the floor..I am so soar..then it was all down hill. I realized that I have a headache my stomache is turned and I had aweful dreams. Life is kinda fucked right now. Trying so hard to do everything right and yet It seems like I am only walking backwards. I am so stressed out about everything..not enough hours at work yet when I am trying to save up for a down payment so I can get a house..Jeff doesnt have a job yet so he is freaking out everywhere anytime on anyone. So my relationship is less than in shambles, maybe not even really there...I havent really been dating anyone for the last 3 months...we are about the same as friends who kiss maybe once when we see each other...not even really kiss just pecks on the lips...its pathetic, almost sickening, oh and we say "I love you"...wow maybe as step above lanea and I's relationship. At least I know she wont bite my head off at any given moment. at the moment. My sex life is competely not even there, lets just say it is in the negative. Which is amazing on my self esteam.....seems to be a pattern I follow in my relationships. So I think I am a disgusting film of a corpse just fucking walking around but yet no one sees me as I am, I'm just this fucking gross rotted "thing".....or hey maybe I'm being too good to myself. Maybe that is the real me and that is what people really see in me..that is disturbing. enough to make you put your head in the oven at least. Suicide would be amazing if only it wouldnt piss off everyone around you. Or at least leave them with debt...but then again I havent really made myself a hole with debt yet. well it would make a mess which is enough of a reason to not do it. Dumb. I dont enjoy where my life is going at the moment.
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| passing out |
[23 Aug 2007|07:41pm] |
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Its so hot out and I cant seem to drive fast enough Thinking of you I’m getting dizzy trying to meet up at your tempo I love you so much because I have never had to ask you for anything I hope you feel the same as me My heart flutters and somehow starts to skip beats its knows I want to touch your skin for the remainder of my time here Everything is starting to fade out and I can only here our song darker even now to almost black god I wish I could make it to your octave secrets locked behind these closed doors that maybe you and I could share in the dark holding on so tight as if a bomb was about to go off under your bed its that intense that my body melts away I have no idea how your beautiful aluminum melody locket pases the pittering of my broken toy music box but somehow you are perfect even your permanent studied lashes of regretful movements even with your unseasonable relations with induced and self medicated entities tiny bursts of self loathing and mistakes wrong choice of word broken strings and or wrong choice of touch I love you regardless of what shorts and sparks happen minor systematic meltdowns and post analyzed overloads you always seem to know just what to do to reconnect if you would never leave I would decay with you if you wouldn’t mind the rust
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| the sound of smiles |
[18 Aug 2007|10:47pm] |
I am sooo in love its just stupid..... *smiles*
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[14 Aug 2007|10:23pm] |
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stupid fucking being in love
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[25 Jul 2007|09:26pm] |
listening to this electric moon..waiting for you
i dont have the patience for these mirros
my sense of touch is being worn away
these thorns are cutting my hands countless times
eyes are so tired trying to keep up to see a pattern
my mind is still running but this body is going nowhere
an empty camera with a falty timer
didnt i just go down this way
so many hopes.. these stars are playing tricks
whipsers in languages i cant understand....so daydreaming is all i have
working so hard just to be second guessed
where are you...this seems familiar
should i go down this way..i have seen this before
overanalization of unnessicery situations
thinking ten steps ahead seems to only pull me down that many paths
yet in the end i am still standing still
im getting lost looking for you
a hopeless romantic is always to blam
and the good guy always finds theirself alone
i am getting nowhere im getting lost
i need to stop looking or at least slow down
this heart is hurting
my body is acking
is there a reason why i cant find you
i have been looking for so long
so many mirrors
i dont want to look i dont want to stand
i am going to sit down and clear my thoughts
if i stay in one place you can find me when you're ready
step one..sit here and wait
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
dont know what that was about...yay typos. my hands hurt. goodnight
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[17 Jun 2007|03:00pm] |
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oh my god...look at this photo I just found....my hair is sooo long...I want to cry.....why do I keep cutting it all off!!! AHHH
>_<
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| be my C.O.B. |
[17 Jun 2007|02:14pm] |
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The other day was really something else...I am sooo glad we were able to just sit and talk about things for hours.
It was so completely comfortable and peaceful.... to get that confirmation from you was absolutely amazing...to have you sit down and lay your exposed heart out for me to cut up if I wanted like that was incredible...alot of people would never allow themselves to be that exposed and vulnerable, but you did and. it really did effect me. It was soooo nice to hear your thoughts about everything...how you felt, how things effect you...where you see yourself, where you see us...where you want to be and that you want to be with me...to know that you think of such a productive future. To allow me to be in your thoughts. That you include me into your future. wow...It was so nice. It was almost like hearing the words "i love you" for the first time. Such a state of relief and security came over me...to know that your intentions are true...though they may seem misconstrued every once and a while. Even robots make mistakes every once and a while...you made any worries I had disappeared the other night. Thank you for being sooo honest with me. I loved it.
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[14 Jun 2007|10:49pm] |
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it sucks..i feel really lonely now...I feel like you dont care..but i know for a fact that you do....i know you love me...or at least i believe you when you tell me that you love me...why do you act this way...i am trying so hard to understand you...
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| "ask yourself this..do you really want to blow up the only person that is trying to help" |
[14 Jun 2007|10:15pm] |
Why??? Why is it sooo hard for you?
All of these childish tendencies. I just don’t get it. I understand where you are coming from and what is going on with you.... and I realize that it must be hard for you. BUT pushing away the only person that really genuinely wants to help you does no good. I think that maybe you just don’t care sometimes. You throw these fits to get your way and then act the same way you did when you started your fit...I don’t get it...you throw a fit because I’m leaving...I’m leaving because you are sleeping obviously you don’t care if I’m there or not...your sleeping...your tired. You worked all day and all week. I understand sooo I excuse myself to go home...you wake up and throw a fit because I’m leaving?? What is that??? SERIOUSLY...then I go home and then feel like the asshole so I come back...you answer the door.... you don’t look at me you don’t say anything to me you just walk right back to the couch and lay down...indication #3 that I should have just shut the door and gone back home...but as usual...I dont.i come in and sit next to you on the couch...you go straight to sleep.... not a word to me.... not a glance...not a touch...nothing not even a breath in my direction...so really it didnt even matter that i came back at all did it?? You don’t care...YOU DONT CARE...how are you so selfish???.... I try so hard to make you happy...I come see you at last minute whims when you need me there. I come visit you for your lunch breaks. I drop plans with my friends to come see you because you had a bad day and want to talk...I take you out. EVERYWHERE.... I BUY YOU EVERYTHING...I take you out to eat to the movies. I buy you anything and everything you want...you have gotten into the habit of just putting stuff in my hands that you want and not even offer to pay for them let alone split the cost. You wanted a keyboard...I gave you mine that I have had forever that my dad bought me for my birthday.... you wanted a computer. I got you a computer. You wanted a lighter I bought you a fucking $30 Zippo.... when I don’t even support you smoking...and you don’t care...you don’t care about any of these things...I come spend the night with you just to lay next to you while you sleep...even thought I cant sleep in your house 9.9 times out of 10...just to be next to you...because you want me to.... you said you would keep open communication with me...yet you constantly throw these little temper tantrums...I don’t get it...you want me to leave so I go out the door....once I’m outside you call me back in telling me not to leave....so I go back to the door...and you are watching TV like nothing happened....so I start heading back towards my car when you run to the door and say hey where are you going...I say home. You obviously don’t want me here. So you throw a fit.... scream and say that I piss you off.... and you tell me to go. Then call me a minute and a half later asking me to not go that you want me to stay.... then tell me to go on the phone.... WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! How fucking confusing is that...whey cant you just please give me a straight answer??? I don’t care about spending money on you. Its just money. I cant take it with me when I die...I don’t care that you never appreciate the things I get you...they are just material items...they mean nothing.... but to constantly play mind fuck with me is completely unacceptable.... and I’m tired of it and I’m honestly not going to do it anymore...I am my own persona and I DO have my own agenda...I’m not going to break my plans with my friends anymore.... and I'm not going to set and play mind games with you for an hour and a half every time something doesn’t go your way...NO...If you want something you better talk to me and give me straight answers or its not going to happen and I’m not going to stick around to wait for you to make up your mind...I WASTED 6 years waiting for someone to make up there mind.... and all it did was leave me in a constant state of hurt and sadness and I REFUSE to ever get that low in my life ever again...I love you and I am willing to work with you on this and help you and be there for you.... but we both made a promise to each other.... I want to keep mine...it seems like you almost have forgotten yours. So please.... help me help you. Please don’t push me away.
o.k. Am so glad I have that all out of my system... thank god for mindless babble in online journals otherwise I think the killing rates would be way higher. ^_^
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[12 Jun 2007|07:37am] |
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$19.99.....3 days left
(click on pic to go bid)
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| oooohhhh |
[04 Jun 2007|11:41pm] |
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STARTING TOMORROW AT 6PM! $24.99!!!!!
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| test |
[22 May 2007|07:52pm] |
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| bored |
[18 Apr 2007|04:54pm] |
Check off the wild things you have done
Level 1
(x) Smoked A Cigarette
( ) Smoked A Cigar
(x) Smoked Weed
(x) Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex
(x) Drank Alcohol
Level 2
(x) Are / Been In Love
(x) Been Dumped
(x) Shoplifted
(x) Been Fired
(x) Been In A Fist Fight
Level 3
(x) Snuck Out Of A Parent's House
(x) Had Feelings For Someone Who Didn't Have Them Back
( ) Been Arrested
(x) Made Out With A Stranger
(x) Gone Out On A Blind Date
Level 4
(x) Had A Crush On An Older Person
(x) Skipped School
( ) Slept With A Co-worker
(x) Seen Someone / Something Die
Level 5
(x) Had / Have A Crush On One Of Your Myspace Friends
( ) Been To Paris
( ) Been To Spain
(x) Been On A Plane
(x)Thrown Up From Drinking
Level 6
(x) Eaten Sushi
( ) Been Snowboarding
(x) Met Someone online
(x) Been in a Mosh Pit
Level 7
(x) Been In An Abusive Relationship
(x) Taken Pain Killers
(x) Love/Like Loved/Liked Someone Who You Cant Have
(x) Laid On Your Back And Watched Cloud Shapes Go By
(x) Made A Snow Angel
Level 8
(x) Had A Tea Party
(x) Flown A Kite
(x) Built A Sand Castle
(x) Gone mudding (off-roading)
(x) Played Dress Up
Level 9
(x) Jumped Into A Pile Of Leaves
(x) Gone Sledding
(x) Cheated While Playing A Game
(x) Been Lonely
(x) Fallen Asleep At Work / School
Level 10
(x) Watched The Sun Set
(x) Felt An Earthquake
(x) Killed A Snake
Level 11
(x) Been Tickled
(x) Been Robbed / Vandalized
(x) Stole something
(x) Been Misunderstood
Level 12
(x) Won A Contest
(x) Been Suspended From School
(x) Had Detention
(x) Been In A Car / Motorcycle Accident
Level 13
( ) Had / Have Braces
(x) Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) Danced in the moonlight
Level 14
(x) Hated The Way You Looked
(x) Witnessed A Crime
(x) Pole Danced
(x) Questioned Your Heart
(x) Been obsessed with post-it-notes
Level 15
(x) Squished Barefoot Through The Mud
(x) Been Lost
( ) Been To The Opposite Side Of The World
(x) Swam In The Ocean
(x) Felt Like You Were Dying
Level 16
(x) Cried Yourself To Sleep
(x) Played Cops And Robbers
(x) Recently Colored With Crayons / Colored Pencils / Markers
(x) Sang Karaoke
(x) Paid For A Meal With Only Coins.
Level 17
(x) Done Something You Told Yourself You Wouldn't
(x) Made Prank Phone Calls
(x) Laughed Until Some Kind Of Beverage Came Out Of Your Nose
(x) Kissed In The Rain
Level 18
(x) Written A Letter To Santa Claus
(x) Been Kissed Under A Mistletoe
(x) Watched The Sun Set/Sun rise With Someone You Care/Cared About
(x) Blown Bubbles
(x) Made A Bonfire On The Beach or Anywhere
Level 19
(x) Crashed A Party
(x) Have Traveled More Than 5 Days With A Car Full Of People
(x) Gone Rollerskating / Blading
(x) Had A Wish Come True
(x) Been Humped By A Monkey
Level 20
(x) Worn Pearls
(x) Jumped Off A Bridge
(x) Screamed "Penis" or "Vagina"
( ) Swam With Dolphins
Level 22
(x) Got Your Tongue Stuck To A Pole/Freezer/Ice Cube
(x) Kissed A Fish
(x) Worn The Opposite Sex's Clothes
(x) Sat On A Roof Top
(x) Ate A Worm
Level 23
(x) Screamed At The Top Of Your Lungs
(x) Done/Attempted A One-Handed Cartwheel
(x) Talked On The Phone For More Than 6 Hours
(x) Recently Stayed Up for a while talking to someone you care about
Level 24
(x) Picked And Ate An Apple Right Off The Tree
(x) Climbed A Tree
(x) Had/Been In A Tree House
(x) Been scared To Watch Scary Movies Alone
Level 25
(x) Believed In Ghosts
( ) Have/had More Then 30 Pairs Of Shoes
(x) Gone Streaking
( ) Visited Jail
Level 26
(x) Played Chicken
(x)Been Pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
(x) Been Told You're Hot By A Complete Stranger
(x) Broken A Bone
(x) Been Easily Amused
Level 27
(x) Caught A Fish Then Ate It Later
(x) Made A Porn Video/got asked to make one
(x) Caught A Butterfly
(x) Laughed So Hard You Cried
(x) Cried So Hard You Laughed
Level 28
(x) Mooned / Flashed Someone
(x) Had Someone Moon / Flash You
(x) Cheated On A Test
(x) Forgotten Someone's Name
(x) French Braided Someones Hair
(x) Gone Skinny Dipping
(x) been Kicked Out Of Your House
Level 29
(x) Rode A Roller Coaster
(x) Went Scuba-Diving / Snorkeling
(x) Had A Cavity
(x) Black-Mailed Someone
(x) Been Black Mailed
Level 31
(x) Been Used
(x) Fell Going Up The Stairs
(x) Licked A Cat
(x) Bitten Someone
(x) Licked Someone
Level 32
(x) been shot at/or at gunpoint
(x) Had sex in the rain
(x) flattened someones tires
(x) Rode your car/truck until the gas light came on
(x) Got five dollars or less worth of gas
Total:128
I've Done 128 Out Of 150 things
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spdrvamp's journal
